Behind Blank Faces and Sharingan Eyes
by anonymous-ninja13
Summary: There is a difference between broken and shattered.


Sasuke Uchiha was born July 23.

Sasuke Uchiha died seven years and nine months later.

…

He likes to think that Itachi killed him.

He likes to think he stands alone.

He likes to think that he is okay.

…

But he knows, that maybe none of those thoughts are true.

….

Sometimes, after training, he and Sakura and Naruto go to Ichiraku's, because Sakura won't eat anyway but comes, and Sasuke doesn't care and Naruto is the most adamant to get his way. He has to be dragged there, but Naruto and Sakura are more than up to the task. And they talk, and laugh, and he even occasionally ventures a comment without being asked a direct question. If he had feelings, he'd say he enjoys it. Those nights, he sometimes pretends that he isn't The Last Uchiha or The Avenger, but just genin-rank Sasuke who has (semi)normal teammates and a (semi)normal life filled with D-ranks and training and friends who he can laugh with.

And Sasuke pretends that he could have a future, maybe join ANBU because someone has to watch the dobe's back when he becomes Hokage (He has no doubts that Naruto will succeed-the dobe's too stubborn to accept defeat), get married, and die a glorious death on the battlefied-because ninjas don't live til old age.

Then he goes back to his house(not a home, home was mother and father and Itachi-nii), and he sees that fucking bastard killing them over and over and over. And he remembers that he is Sasuke Uchiha, The Last Uchiha, The Avenger, and he has no dreams, no future, and is living only to kill Itachi. Because Itachi is the reason he's stuck in the past, stuck reliving the incident over and over in his head every damn time he sees the clan compuond.

Maybe if he kills Itachi, the nightmares will stop.

Sasuke knows he's going insane, knows that if he had to take a psychological test, he'd be deemed "mentally disturbed". And he agrees with them. He probably is, but he doesn't really care anymore after the fifty thousand times he relived their deaths, watched him kill them. And its sort of sad, but he can't really bring himself to care about it-except that he knows that Itachi must Die.

Besides, it doesn't matter if you don't plan on living, a dead lunatic is no problem to anyone.

So he doesn't let anyone get close, tries to push everyone away, fighting like a cornered animal. They(SakuraKakashi-senseiNaruto) should stay away from him; don't they know not to love the one marked for death? He'll hurt them. They'll hurt him. He can't drag them into his fight, let the dead bury their dead, let the Uchiha kill the Uchiha. So when they persist in trying to get closer to him, he isn't sure whether to be grateful, or pissed off.

He's never been very good with words, and he can't explain how there is a difference between broken and shattered, because broken can be fixed, but shattered means millions of little tiny pieces all over the floor that take too long to be picked up, collected, and glued back together-and even then you might be missing something. Maybe you lost some of the pieces along the way. And maybe you can't really fix something that doesn't want to be fixed.

Sasuke Uchiha is an animated corpse, a living ghost that should have been buried and mourned. He doesn't really exist any more, because all the things that make up Sasuke(tomatos-family-pride-happy-Itachi-nii), have died leaving a heart of ice and dull eyes behind. Sasuke Uchiha shouldn't be alive, and doesn't plan on living for much longer. Because ninjas don't live til old age, and the path of an avenger is even shorter. But that doesn't matter, as long as he takes Itachi with him.

And its hard to pretend that he cares about anything other than killing Itachi, because he doesn't. And he might even be sorry about that, except that he doesn't remember how exactly to go about being sorry. So he isn't, and Itachi must Die.

But right now, he's pretending. That maybe he does care about Konoha and Naruto-Sakura-Kakashi, and that maybe he isn't shattered. And that he isn't going to leave, and that Itachi doesn't matter, and that he will wake up tomorrow morning and go to the bridge with Naruto and Sakura and Kakashi will be late with another stupid excuse. And he's trying to pretend for just a moment that he has emotions and feelings and all that other squishy sentimental stuff that he isn't supposed to have, because he is an Avenger and The Last Uchiha, and Itachi must Die.

And tomorrow, he'll be out of Konoha, and with the Snake-Pedo-Orochimaru-Legendary Sannin, and he will be nearer to his goal than ever before, and he's pretty sure that Naruto-dobe will try and bring him back.

And Sasuke wishes he could explain that Naruto shouldn't bring him back, but neither of them have ever understood each other, so it'll be another clash of fists and insults and jutsu until one of them is lying on the ground and the other stands above him, looking down. And maybe then they'll finally understand each other. But probably not because Naruto is everything Sasuke is not. Naruto is noise, Sasuke is silence. Naruto is orange, Sasuke is blue. Naruto is sun, Sasuke is moon. And Sasuke knows that Naruto could save him, could melt the ice around his heart, could ressurect this cold, dead corpse.

Sasuke doesn't want to be saved.

….

Sasuke shouldn't be saved, because he's already too shattered and even if he were fixed there would still be those little missing pieces, and if Sasuke were saved, Itachi would have won.

So Sasuke doesn't want to be saved.

…

But if Itachi were gone, if there was no duty or honor or revenge,

…

Then maybe he'd be okay with Naruto saving him.

This is a rewritten, reworked version of "Of Blank Faces and Sharinghan Eyes", edited 11/16/2010.

If you think its kinda random and convoluted and contradicting, its supposed to be-because Sasuke is pretty messed up and this is writted from inside his head.

I hoped you enjoyed it, and please leave a comment on your way out-even one word will do :3


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